THE TOURNAMENT DIRECTOR'S LAMENT

tune: To be a farmer's boy
text: Andrew Grant


The final round was due to start but the draw was incomplete,
the tournament director slumped despairing in his seat.
He had tried so hard to match up each card,
but in vain his time he'd spent,
and he wondered why he'd presumed to try
to run a tournament,
to run a tournament.

He'd never been much good at Go, but he'd liked it just the same,
and may a day he'd passed away in many a hopeless game.
Then one night in bed, to himself he said:
"I might be more competent
to organise than to make two eyes -
Let's run a tournament,
let's run a tournament."

So he approached his local club all brim-full with ideas,
but their reaction, sad to say, confirmed his darkest fears.
Though they all did say they would love to play,
there was no one with intent
to offer aid and to work unpaid
to help the tournament,
to help the tournament.

Though entry forms were soon sent out, not a single on came back,
until a week before the day, when they came in by the sack.
So the tournament hall proved far too small
and he had to pay more rent
for a larger room in perpetual gloom
to house the tournament,
to house the tournament.

On the night before the tournament everything was going great,
when the B.G.A. rang up to say that the sets would turn up late.
Those who came next day had to wait to play
and frustration they did vent,
breathing fire and smoke at the helpless bloke
who ran the tournament,
who ran the tournament.

And when at last round one began, with relief he heaved a sight,
but he hadn't reckoned with the player who had received the bye,
who bemoaned his lot in a temper hot
and in tones irreverent,
till he had to be reimbursed the fee
to join the tournament,
to join the tournament.

Now, as I've said, the final round had been proving quite a pain,
when a party of four had to withdraw so as not to miss their train,
and that saved the day - the draw worked O.K. -
so let's leave him now content,
ere he realises he's bouth no prizes
for his first tournament,
for his first tournament.